A beautiful red tabby used to roam the building in which I currently reside.
Every time I had managed to lock myself out, that cat would always be around back as I was breaking into my space, meowing for attention as cats do.
One night, I finally let that cat in.
He always felt reminiscent of a reflection in my ability it let love in. To allow people past the hardened walls I have built in life through time and pain. So finally, I let the cat in. We snuggled all night and it was adorable, except for the fear that it cat was going to pee all over the place or something. It actually only threw up a small hairball in the morning and looked at me afterwards with apologetic eyes.
Shit happens, and I vowed to let the cat stayed when he wanted.
A couple months later, the cat came in again. And he meowed restlessly all night like an asshole. I finally picked the cat up and let him back outside. We have not made acquaintance since.
This morning, I woke up with that feeling again, that something had gotten in.
I rolled over and remembered it was the 9 year old girl named Angel sleeping on my yoga mat because her mom had to work the night shift and her dad had bailed that weekend, leaving them in an unsupervised pickle. And I happened to be the friendly neighbor that said yes.
After dropping her mom off at work the night before, I didn’t know what to say to the little girl so I filled the space by getting her ice cream. Being almost 11:00pm, I was worried she was going to be sugar high and drive me crazy through the night. Being a human, I wouldn’t be able to just put her back outside.
As it turns out, we had a lovely time playing a princess pop-up board game and watched Lilo + Stitch. Then we both went to bed without a sound.
It’s not often that people are let intimately into my space. Waking up to Angel sleeping on my most sacred space (my yoga mat) and not being grumpy about the busting through of boundaries was a big step. I think.
I hope it just means I am actually becoming a better human being.
Anyways, trotted off to yoga, ending with my mind everywhere but Savasana. Being in the transition of many transitions, life’s been a little unsettled. And all the Vata is really disturbing my Kapha.
I walked out knowing for sure that I should go to Lucky’s market and get groceries and treat myself right.
So naturally, I went somewhere else for coffee and ended up sitting on the patio talking to my mom for over an hour about how to build a life of my dreams, whatever that means. Which sounds a lot more beautiful and inspiring than the reality of sitting outside Foundation Grounds, surrounded by people enjoying a beautiful day while I cried to my mom because I just don’t fucking know. And she gets it. Kind of.
After said detour, I finally made it to Lucky’s, where I stood in the produce aisle for a solid 5 minutes staring at the leafy greens. An older gentleman named Kent stocking produce with a happy aura asked me, “Ok, what is it that I can help you find?” I laughed as he shook me out of the trance and said, “I don’t even know, my mind?” He empathized, telling me he just never wants to grow up and he’s happy in his own little world. I smiled and sincerely wished him luck in life as I walked away.
After much perusing, I found myself staring at coffee beans for another solid amount of time before making a selection. As I spilled the beans all over the floor, Kent came over again with his happy smile and a joke to clean up the mess. I apologized and thanked him.
How transparent my face must have expressed my energy, because he told it me it was going to be okay, and that things would get better.
As I stood there grinding my beans in a shirt that says Wonder Woman, a little tear rolled down my cheek. Because of Kent’s existence in this world. And the fact that I knew he was right.
To all the Angels and Kents of the world, thank you.
Seriously. Thank you.