love games

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I was chatting with my friend Helen earlier about the dating game;

mine is so very much a romantic comedy.

 

Sometimes I get bored for an evening and agree to go on a date with some random dude from Tinder.

Or sometimes I meet someone at the park that helps me find my misplaced dog and we get dinner later.

 

And then the time comes where it’s actually happening and I don’t really want to go, but why not?  What’s the worst that could happen?  I make a new friend?  Who couldn’t use more friends?

 

The entire time I subconsciously wonder why the fuck am not at home doing the introverted things that recharge my spirit instead of sitting there grossed out by the idea of kissing someone right after they eat a steak.

Right around the point they they tell me how much I am going to love something in their lives, indicating further contact, is on point the time I wonder exactly how much time they think I have to spend on them.  I mean, sorry, but I’ve got my own life, bud.

And then I ghost them for lack of a more mature way to let them know I’m not into it.

 

So, Helen and I are talking about these boys that I spend all this energy on when I barely have time to do all my own shit, like yoga and reading and entertaining a writing career and hanging with my existing friends and work on top of all that.

 

And it dawned on me.

I shouldn’t have to put my energy out there.  Because in my heart I have always known that my life really is a rom com.  One where the end rocks so much you leave the theatre with stars in your eyes and a twinkle in your heart.

 

 

It will just be.

It will just happen so seamlessly that the capacity to question it with fear never existed.

 

It will be someone I want to make space for in my life.  Where being with them fills me with an energy that my own ventures could never imagine touching.

Where they leave me wanting so much more, in a completely grounded way.

 

And I know they want more too.  More of my heart.  Of my soul.  Of my mind.  To know to know what I’m thinking.  They will make me want to face the scary things, like vulnerability, to take a risk with my tender heart.

 

It won’t have to be forced.  Because what’s meant to be will find a way.

There’s a reason clichés are used so often.  Because they’re true.

 

So here it is, the intention for space.

 

For the space to allow the real story to bloom when it’s ready.

 

For the space to grow into the entire being I am to be when we connect,

so when he comes into my life, our collective vibe will make the entire earth quake.

 

 

 

And for now?  My heart rests in faith.

 

 

 

xo

 

 

 

 

 

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