center vibes

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Dear Goddess,

The world is granted no favors

when you break a piece of yourself apart to please someone.

 

Stop pretending you are not magic.
Be radical.  Please yourself.

 

Start within.

 

“The wise man does not unsettle the minds of the ignorant,
Quietly, acting in the spirit of yoga, he inspires them to do the same.”

[the bhagavad gita]

 

 

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as above

envision, manifest, Yoga

After a little over a year of teaching, I finally found the courage to ask my students,

“Why are you here?”

Why do you get up and come to yoga?

 

I’ve always kind of assumed people were there for the physical practice.  That’s what us Westerner’s are always here for, right?  Movement and progress, yeah?

 

Almost resoundingly everyone responded along the lines that they just know yoga is an all encompassing wellness practice.  Not one of them said anything about a goal to attain or a pose to get into.

 

 

My intention at the start of the year was to go back to the foundation.  I thought that meant standing poses and balance.

What I forgot?  That asana literally means a comfortable seat. To be comfortable in contorted shapes, we must know first how it feels in the stillness of our inner being.  As the mind, so the body.  We cultivate the stillness in practice to take what the world brings with ease an grace.

 

With my intention in place, the path led to a practice of spending at least 5 minutes (the idea of meditation has always been daunting to me, but 5 minutes?  That I could do.) in the same spot at the same time for 21 days.

By day three or four I began to stay longer. 20. 30. 40 minutes.  Letting the mind exhaust itself to be able to hear the secrets of the universe spill forth. Filling the holes I didn’t know were there with the intangible knowledge that I had previously sought in other people or things.

 

 

Also an enormous lesson in the Law of Attraction and not blocking the channel.  We must let go of the idea of what things should be, and just let them be what they are in each and every moment.  Maybe I would be standing on one leg a lot longer if I forced an outcome, but what I have learned instead is something I never even knew was inside.

 

In 9 days (thus far), my entire world is different.

Or more clearly, an entirely new world to explore has opened up.

 

And I’m fucking saddled up for the ride.

 

 

 

going out

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For a moment in time, there was a hole and I felt the need to fill it.   I knew what I was in search of was not the appropriate solution.  At a fundamental level, I knew that I should sit with the space.  Listen to it’s irrational fears.  But the ego does not like the concept of holes and fear, and it’s primal drive won

 

 

It was ironic, as divine timing most always is.  Because earlier that day I realized that everything that I had been seeking outside of myself naturally came when I found it inside myself.

 

I guess that’s why life is a practice of awareness, huh?

an affair to remember

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In his book,  “The Power of Now”, Eckhart Tolle talks about the attachment to time as a root of suffering or discontent or something like that.

 

 

If you would have told me when I was 21 where I would be at 27,  I would have said you’re bonkers.  Actually, I wouldn’t have said that, because the word “bonkers” would have been just too silly for my intellectual self to entertain.

 

 

I assumed what life would be. Probably working.  Hopefully in a serious relationship.

 

 

 

Even though I wasn’t there at the time, I always saw myself going a more holistic route.  Unbeknownst to me where that would actually lead.

 

If you had told me at 27 I would be surrounded by interesting people leaving the kitchen I work in making an hourly wage and kicking it with girlfriends for the rest of the day and pulling myself out of a meditation because I wanted so badly to shout from the rooftops how in love with everyone I am around most that I just had to journal about it, I probably would have told you that was not me.

 

And I would have been right.

 

Because that’s what this life is about.  Growing and evolving.  And loving every breath of the way.  Especially yourself.

 

Gosh this chick is beautiful.

moving direct

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“Probably no one in this class is in the 1-5 range, right?”  The instructor asked as we went over our psychic spectrum sheet.

 

I was the only one in the room to raise  my hand while looking at the 3 I had written on my paper.

 

Really?!  REALLY?!  Well, don’t be discouraged.  You’re probably just blocked in some context.”

 

“Oh, absolutely.”  I replied.

 

 

Mercury went direct in my house of communication the same day I started an intuitive development course in attempt to open channels with spirit and my guides.

 

Actually, all planets went direct.  An astrological phenomenon, lifting the fog and paving:

 

“hope for the future. It’s uniquely a time where the earth’s perspective becomes like the Sun. Where the vibration of the solar system can provide an extraordinary kind of cosmic assistance to any endeavor created to benefit, rather than to hinder, human life on earth. Where the whole planet can be energized by cosmic fuel rather than fossil fuels.

We are encouraged to be eyewitnesses and, to use this timing with deep intent for personal and world advantages.  We imagine with all of our hearts and souls, the most positive outrageously wonderful environment for ourselves, and for our communities, and for all to benefit.”  according to gostica.com

 

A time to be aware.

will follow for…

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Nine years ago, I made a decision.

Kind of.  I didn’t know what to do or how to do it and it all seemed overwhelming to navigate on my own so I followed the road that had been paved before me.

I was 18 and the world said it was time to be an adult.

 

I don’t even know if I feel like an adult at 27, whatever that means.

 

Though the decision was passive, I still communicated with the universe how I was going to go through life.  A bit aimless with no real goals, just following the road.  I didn’t often stop for the views and never actually felt much of anything.  A shell of a balloon being dragged by status quo.

 

 

Don’t get me wrong, it showed me some beautiful places at points, especially towards the end:

the peaks of Colorado, the Arizona desert, vegetable farms of Austin TX

and gave me no shortage of resumé topics:

goat milking, chainsaw maintenance, thai culture and cuisine, clay home construction, a Wilderness First Responder certification, a passion for the art of trailer backing, experience living out of a vehicle for two years and the smorgasbord of organizational tactics it takes among many many other topics.

 

 

And that was fun and all.  But that 9 year cycle is coming to a close, and it’s time for me to choose a direction.  2017.  The number 1 in numerology.  A fresh beginning.

 

 

 

 

I choose the path led by my own beating heart.

 

 

It’s always been there, and now I choose to be brave enough to listen.